The Sun God explains good humor!

These had to be published in my rag.. thanks Sol,

When  Insults Had Class

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

The  exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were  my husband I'd give you poison."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink  it."

A  member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or  of some unspeakable disease."
"That  depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your  mistress."

"He  had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He  has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston  Churchill

"I  have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."  Clarence Darrow

"He  has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the  dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest  Hemingway).

"Thank  you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." -  Moses Hadas

"I  didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."  - Mark Twain

"He  has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar  Wilde

"I  am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend....  if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston  Churchill
"Cannot  possibly attend first night, will attend second.... if there is one." -  Winston Churchill, in response.

"I  feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen  Bishop

"He  is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John  Bright

"I've  just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S.  Cobb

"He  is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel  Johnson

"He  is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul  Keating

"In  order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles,  Count Talleyrand

"He  loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest  Tucker

"Why  do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark  Twain

"His  mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae  West

"Some  cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.." - Oscar  Wilde

"He  uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather  than illumination." - Andrew Lang  (1844-1912)

"He  has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've  had a perfectly wonderful evening.But this  wasn't it." - Groucho Marx